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My Date with Jordana

So I had this date with Jordana. Well, not really, but in my head, we went out. Anyone who knows me, knows that I will open myself up to you the first time we meet. After the first 2 hours, you'll know basically everything there is to know about me. Also I am a total idiot around beautiful women so I can't function like normal (did I ever?). But I tend to babble a lot. Or ramble. And lately, I have just been an absolute motor mouth. But on a date, I would be really nervous about any lull in conversation, so I'm sure I would fill any gap of quite that came around, perhaps with even sentences that didn't make much sense to the person listening to what I was saying. Realizing I have just said something stupid, I immediately try to recover by saying something else. If I'm lucky, it will make sense. So here is how my date went.

We went to a really fine dining establishment and she was so beautiful with those dark brown eyes and the perfect face and mouth. It was very hard for me to concentrate. She ordered some kind of fancy water I had never heard of and I ordered a coke cause I'm just country like that.







She appeared to be interested in the things I had to say as she seemed to be listening intently and hanging on my every word. This was going to good.











The date was going pretty well, but then I started rambling about stupid stuff that had happened to me. I was trying to be funny, but I got just the exact opposite reaction; probably something to do with timing.

I could see this date was taking a turn for the worse, so I quickly changed the subject and went into my love for animals.  

Then I just kept talking like a tornado passing through Texas.




























































Despite the poor timing on my part to emit embarrassing moments into the conversation, she was intrigued after I mentioned whip cream, cooter, and me. She had never had so many emotions on one date before that she was rather captivated by my randomness of thought. We went back to her place for a nightcap.







We had several drinks and then one thing led to another. She was rather playful at first.







Then she just became a real tiger begging me to take her.























That was all it took for her to fall truly, madly, deeply in love with me. She overcame my randomness and stupid outburst of rudimentary comments. She had become a Tina Tomaholic and had to have her daily fix of me. So there was only one more thing we could do......








Disclaimer:
The photos used were clips from DEBS and 2 from the Invisible Circus. Jordana was not harmed nor molested during the writing of this blog. The story you have just read is not true and no names were changed for there was no one innocent to protect. My sincere apologies to Jordana if this made you puke.

I Was Made for Jordana

Jordana posted an ad for a maid. Someone dared me to apply. 
Them: Why don't you apply to be Jordana's maid?
Me: What? A maid? Are you crazy? She will see right through that. 
Them: Nah, she is way too busy to notice you. 
Me: Gee, thanks. My self-esteem just rose 10 points. 
Them: You know what I mean. Photoshoots, husband, pets, family, movie deal.....
Me: Maybe.
Them: I dare you to apply and if you get the job, steal her panties. Now you have a real challenge. Go for it. 
Me: You are on!
So I called the ad and made an appointment. Luckily for me, it was her personal assistant who was going to be doing the interviewing so I didn't have to freak out at the sight of Jordana. So I got all dressed up and ready for the interview.







I couldn't believe I got the job! But my there was a lot of work to do. And I had to be convincing as a maid. The first time I saw Jordana, I was making her bed. I was sniffing her pillows when she walked by and I quickly stood up shaking the sheet as she peeked back in.











That was close. My those pillows smelled good. But I had to move on to the other rooms. Lots of work. I had a lot to do before I could get to the laundry. She actually wrote things down to do in order. And I was loaded up with supplies and had to get on it. I was in a hurry to get to those panties. 







I had to put fresh flowers in the bedrooms. I pretended I was bringing them to her and then got caught up in the fantasy of being with her. My mind was wandering to all the things I wanted to say to her and do to her. Oy!







But I was startled from my fantasy as Jordana found me fondling the flowers, sniffing them passionately, drooling you might say.











Then she was having guests and I had to make a tray of food. I don't like messing with food unless it is in a romantic moment with her. Rubbing whip cream on her and feeding her strawberries..... and damn. there she was again in the middle of my fantasies. She just sneaks up on me like that. 











So while she was entertaining her guests, I had a few of my own guests show up to entertain me and see how my mission was going. Dr. Nicole, Jersey Girl and Senza Amore came dressed for the occasion as not to blow my cover. The Doc brought a gun so none of Jordana's guest would come on to her. She has a way of warding off suitors. Heh. 







Senza Amore: Have you seen her naked yet?
Me: Pfft! NO!
JG: Come on, TT. We know you have been sniffing the panty drawer.
Me: Actually, I haven't gotten that far yet. I had all of this actual work to do so she wouldn't be suspicious of me. 
JG: Work? That fokking sucks!
Me: Tell me about it. And she keeps walking in on me at the worst times and giving me strange looks. 
Dr. Nicole: What is in these crepe thingy's?
Me: You guys need to go now so I can get ready to clean up after these people leave. 
Dr. Nicole: Well, these are good so I am just going to put a few in my bra for later. Toodles!
Senza Amore: Get the panties and get the fok outta here before she discovers who you are and what you are doing.
Me: Working on it.
JG: Can I just give that cute guy over there my number?
Me: NO! Now skidaddle!
Finally all the guests had left, I cleaned up and it was time for the laundry. My moment had arrived. I had her laundry! But then her dog had taken a pair of her underwear to her alerting her that something was amiss in the laundry room.





I was unaware of this as I was happily doing her laundry. I am a mess with laundry, but was enjoying the hell out of this chore.





I took the basket of clothes to the extra room to put them away. I had to lay out all of her panties to see which pair I wanted to take.





Then I couldn't help myself. I started trying on her underwear. I was having a hella good time fantasizing about her now. and then it happened. I was busted and wasn't anything I could do to recover from this one. I was flat caught in the act.








But I certainly wasn't prepared for what she was about to do next. Jordana is certainly full of surprises. She let me have it. And I kind of found it erotic. Only me. She spanked me.





I think she was enjoying it. I know I did and it could only have been because it was her doing the spanking.





Needless to say, I was fired. She thought it was best if I just go since I enjoyed that spanking so much and she felt a tad guilty for her own feelings she felt at the time. Guess I am not cut out to be anyone's maid. She couldn't get me out the door fast enough actually.





So I guess you are wondering if my little adventure paid off. They don't call dog "man's best friend" for nothing. Good doggie.